A frustrated rant as to why I won't be seeing Cars 2

Ouch. It's not even out yet (as of my writing this at 10:48 p.m.) but Cars 2 already garners a 40% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes. In fairness, the critics may be a little harsher on Pixar than they would be on any other studio, but theres a reason for that. Pixar has never let down an audience; they make innovative, refreshing, heartwarming films that don't dumb down situations or humor to still keep their "family-friendly" image. A Bug's Life, Toy Story, Ratatouille, Up, Monsters Inc., Wall-E, etc. all tell their own interesting stories that tread beyond spewing out well-worn kiddy movie fare. But Cars....Cars is it's own problem.

I don't agree with critics a lot of the time...hell, I think Spice World and Speed Racer are great movies. But man....I cringe when I see the trailer for Cars Redeaux. I get snobbishly flustered as to why Pixar's relatively worst film is getting an even worse sequel. And I get downright angry when I go into Tomorrowland and find the world of Tomorrow to be suspiciously occupied by a lot of talking cars and variations of Stitch.

Let me set something straight here. Yes, I'm 24 and I still enjoy cartoons, but that's not what gets me upset and overly pessimistic over this blatent money making vehichle (see what I did there?)...as a self-respecting cinemaphile, I practically live and breathe movies. If I wasn't a biology major, I guarantee you I would have went into film. Pixar is successful not only for creating truly innovative movies that happen to be box office hits, but because they have an integrity towards all audiences (the only other studio, IMO, that comes close or even surpasses is Ghibli, and you can't go a damn interview with Lasseter without him mentioning what good buds he is with Hayao Miyazaki...). Any good true movie fan has Pixar's shorts or the Pixar Story on DVD. So I'm just writing this out as I get frustrated seeing the trailer for Cars 2 for, like, the billionth time. There's only so much I can take.

But Pixar is interesting in the likes of studios: their movies are usually funny and intelligent and quirky in a wonderfully charming way. Take the short "Your Friend the Rat", an extra on the Ratatouille DVD. Beautifully done, it's also one of the funniest pieces of film under 15 minutes I've ever seen. Actually, this paragraph has little to do with the rest of the rant. I'm just saying that short is hilarious. Seriously, I LOL everytime.

But I digress.

Cars was an okay film considering the fact I've already gone through puberty. It's definitely a film that has shown more potential with children because "OMG CARS AND THEY TALK!" My generation had Brave Little Toaster; kids today will have Cars. I get it. It was a fun little movie, although not nearly as thought-provoking or heartfelt as many of Pixar's other films. But then, MOYCHANDISING! Cars bedsheets, stuffed Cars, Cars....cars, etc. It's like the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; anything that can have Cars on it WILL and they WILL sell like hotcakes. Because kids love cars and they love Cars.

In other words: As Joe Morgenstern of the Wall Street Journal put it, "This is something new for Pixar, a movie in which characterization and deep feelings take a back seat to breakneck pace, and something new for Pixar lovers, including me, who may find themselves wondering if Disney's master merchandisers are starting to call the tune for Pixar's master storytellers."

My brother (a bigger Pixar fanatic than I am) and I would like to believe Lasseter and the gang sighed at the success and said "okay, fine. We'll make another Cars film to fund our other projects." For every ambitious film or so ("Okay, it's a story about an old guy, a little boy, and a dog...plus theres a miscarriage and a death in the first 15 minutes") they need something that will appeal to Disney's pockets once in awhile.

And really? Larry the Cable Guy is your headliner. Come on. Not even Pixar can take Cars 2 seriously. It looks like something Dreamworks would have crapped out a few years ago before they started stepping up their game. And not just this cringe-worthy comedian that make it shady; the plot looks too busy and flashy to have any real solid story behind it. It basically undermines everything else Pixar has produced to this point by insulting our intelligence. It's mediocre dribble, and they can do better. And honestly, I think they know it.

It won't be a bad movie; it'll be funny, and it'll be pretty to look at. But come on. Seriously. I'm speechless. Go read those reviews on RT again and tell me I'm wrong to be frustrated. It's not what we've come to expect from Pixar.

So Pixar, I'm giving this to you. It's your free pass, because up until now you've been churning out solid gold storytelling. I still have high hopes for Monsters Inc. 2, and I'm expecting good things to come. And honestly, I'm still probably going to see this movie on DVD. But seriously, cool it with the B-list comedians. Once you hire Dane Cook for a movie, I'm officially out.

Cradle to the Grave: A Thief 3 musing

It's approximately 11:30, and I'm sitting in the basement by myself. Everyone else has gone to bed, and I'm scared. I honestly haven't been this spooked in my house since my junior year of high school when, home alone, I honestly thought someone was breaking in during a vicious storm raging outside.

But I'm a big girl now, yeah? What has me so terrified? A video game, thats what. One that I've already played. When I heard Thief 3 was being sold on Steam at a discount, I finally gave in and started a Steam account. Breezing through the levels of Deadly Shadows, a game I last endeavored to play in 2008, I was anticipating my favorite level ever made: the Shalebridge Cradle. It's scary, to say the least, and I'm a person who loves all things supernaturally scary. If you do a google search, articles (professionally written ones at that) on the brilliance of the level are a dime a dozen.

My favorite, a walk-thru that also serves as an editorial on the brilliance behind the Cradle, scares the ever loving hell out of me just by reading it. If you've played this game, go read the article. Hell, if you haven't played the level (and don't intend to), go read it anyway. For those of you (all, what 2 of you that are gonna read) who see the screenshot and think "gee wilikers, it looks like the Boo mansion from Mario 64!" well....thats an astute observation. But ASIDE from that, you're missing out.

But I digress. I'm actually writing this post to work through some serious spine tingles right now. As I said, I'm in the perfect conditions for my mind to go into over-drive and hear bumps that are not really there. Playing as Garrett, the thief, you investigate the dilapidated ruins of an orphanage that had been, at one time, also an insane asylum. I won't ruin the nuances of the level, the horrors your mind recreates when reading the notes scattered inside, or anything like that. Again, the PCGamer feature linked above can cover that more eloquently than I ever could. Also note that this game came out in 2004 and is still successfully scaring the crap out of people.

Playing the level through, though, even when you know by now what to expect....doesn't really make it easier. Especially when its been years. Especially when you've (stupidly) got the audio cranked up and it's late. By the time I accomplished my first objective (restore power to the Cradle) my stress levels are so elevated that I'm getting a headache. In many ways, this is almost worse; I know what's coming, but I forget when. I get so tense walking slowly, creeping, through the building that I am literally on the verge of tears. Yes, people, this is my idea of fun gaming.

There is ambiance. Lots of it. The place is supposed to be haunted and dripping with evil, so of course you're going to hear plenty of spooky noises. But these aren't of the Scooby-Doo variety; the usual horror cliches played out by video games are not really found here. Here, in a level thrown into a game where the norm is creeping aroud (and bonking out) guards and stealing stuff, your mind is your own worst enemy. No other game I've played, movie I've seen, book I've read comes close to this kind of paranoia. The level establishes early on that the Cradle was a nursery for young life, and also a death rattle for the insane. It sounds stupid, but it inherently eats at you while you play.

Making my way, turning at shadows, desperately trying to remember when I need to flee and when I need to act I finally make it to the glowy purple door that tells me it's time to progress. Yup, all this mind..er...fudging that had wound me up was within, what, the first 10 minutes of the level.

Against my better judgement I save and then enter through the door..wait...doesn't something happen soon? Creeping through the shadows to the entrance of the psychiatric ward, I suddenly remember a split second before it happens:


oh. yeah. THIS is when it REALLY gets fun. And this is also the moment I made the decision to take up the level tomorrow...in the daylight. With people around. Because what I've described above does not do justice to what happens after this point.

Regardless of my serious wussing out right now, the reaction the level garners from me time after time is, again, why I purchased the game. I'm leaving a save at the very beginning so I can play through anytime I want, just for a good scare.

Whew. I finally feel brave enough to retreat upstairs and hide under my covers.

The weird introspective blog post; AKA the love/hate letter to trichotillomania

Trichotillomania. It's a very weird word, and it's kinda hard to say. It's even harder to explain.
Over the last decade, I've struggled to find the words to describe to people why and how I do what I do, I look how I look. Trichotillomania. Described as an impulsive control disorder, it shares DSM-IV listing space with pyromania, gambling, kleptomania, compulsive nail biting, and compulsive skin picking.

Trichotillomania: literally; to obsessively pull hair. It really sucks.

I've had TTM since I was in the 7th grade, and that was reaaaalllly not a convenient time to be ostracized from teenage society. Imagine: having bald patches from picking your hair so much due to stress and anxiety just furthers a vicious cycle; friends no longer want you to cramp their style, boys mock you, and a lot of self esteem issues arise. You learn from a young age that you can't be pretty if you don't have pretty hair.

It's so stupid, really. It's just dead protein, and it sounds stupid to be worried about something like that. Anyone reading this, however, I challenge you to imagine pulling out your own hair and contending with the realization and horror of how illogical the action is, how ashamed you feel. I challenge you to imagine having a perpetual bad hair day. It seems like such a stupid, stupid thing to worry about.

And yet...there are entire industries around hair care, growing hair, hair styling; business is booming for cancer patients affected by hair loss from chemotherapy. Hair is seen as a symbol of beauty and health in many cultures. WTF, trichotillomania?

There's so many worse things in life to deal with on a day-to-day basis. There are, and I recognize this. But to think of all the things in life I missed out on, that I LET myself miss out on for fear of being noticed in a wrong light...it's not fair. But life isn't fair. All of the things I didn't do in high school, or in the years after, because I felt gross and stupid and ugly. If I wasn't being ridiculed, I was being ignored, and I learned to prefer the latter while aching to worry about the regular kind of high school misfit business.

Of course it's easy to push forward and try to make people see you for who you are, but when your personality is altered during the formative years, what kind of person does that make you? I wonder what I'd be like if I didn't have trichotillomania. If I continued being the loud-mouthed outgoing person I was as a little girl. Would I be different, or would I allow myself the continued emotional detachment in some other neurosis. I miss being goofy, and I miss allowing myself to attach to people without being petrified if I'm socially acceptable enough. I miss being able to talk to people about how I feel about things without saying "this happened, then this happened" and that be that.

For those of you actually reading this saying "oh please get over yourself"....duh. Here's the thing, I say all this stuff because its on my mind and I'm exercising being more open, especially about something so visible. I'm trying to get people to see where I'm coming from because ultimately I need to vent this out. But I can't blame every flaw on trichotillomania and societal expectations; a lot of my problems stem from me, plain and simple. I'm trying to work on those things, too...but I don't know how. I'm 24 and I still don't know how to vocalize and change.

A few friends advised that I need to stop spending so much time in my head and just let things fall where they may. I need to let things go, and I need to be less of a bitch while standing my ground more effectively. I need to get a hobby and actually be interesting to other people. I also need those people to call me in the middle of the night to talk to me when they know I'm freaking out...and for those that do, I thank you. I need more adventures in my life, and more chances to be silly.

But still, wtf trichotillomania...you could at least be easier to pronounce.