Newtown, CT. I need to get this out.

I just...I don't know how to comprehend this tragedy in Connecticut  I mean, children. Children just slaughtered and gunned down and I don't understand why someone could do this. I want to cry and crawl back into bed because I don't know what else to do.

I mean, this Onion article basically sums me up right now. Just. Fuck. Everything.

But at the same time, it makes me want to be a better person and lead my example and fix this.

Schools shouldn't have to be fortresses, my dad, who was a district superintendent for 15 years, said.

He is absolutely correct. Giving guns to teachers? Armed guards? No. Nonononononono.

I went to Honduras. I saw armed guards everywhere in this third world country. I saw gates around schools (if the school was even fortunate enough to have a roof, much less walls). We should be better than that. Every child deserves to be safe, and every child, especially in a nation that believes itself to be the best in the world, should be able to have a childhood in a child-friendly school. And as much as it broke my heart to see these circumstances in Honduras, it pains me just as much that this is where we are as an industrialized "world leader".

When I went to elementary school, the doors were left open in the warmer months to let air circulate. My best friend's dog once got out of their yard and came running into the school and into the halls. It was pretty funny.

Now, all the doors are locked and you have to speak to someone in the office outside of the building via camera or intercom just to get in to the building.

The answer can't be to arm teachers, or faculty, or students or get rid of gun-free zones. That is a stupid fucking idea. It's the prelude to an arms race for fear and paranoia and safety and we are better than that, I cannot stress that enough.

I don't want to politicize the day, but dammit Cracked, your arguments are compelling  The Second Amendment didn't account for guns that destroy entire communities in a blink of an eye. The Constitution is meant to be changed. Framers. Our fore-fathers were known as the Framers because they were merely framing things out for us to change at a later date should we feel it necessary. Justice Scalia is wrong; the Constitution is more like a living organism than a legal document - but, in which 46% of Americans would deny, that means you'd have to admit that it evolves. The Constitution evolves as the America evolves as a nation and society. Why is this a hard thing to understand? Is your gun collection really worth it? To see shit like this happen?  Oh, here's another article about it; EVERY DAY is the day to talk about gun control and gun safety. (If you read only one link I posted, please read that last one).

But. Then again. Today in China, a man knifed 22 children. I don't know what to make of that either, and maybe regulations aren't the answer (and yes I know China isn't our concern but holy shit these were just babies, too!) but I don't know how else to concentrate my rage.

Someone on twitter pointed out "if only access to mental healthcare was as available as firearms".
My brother pointed out the problems stemming from angry young men. Why, as a society, can we not recognize and lift these people up to the help they need? I'm not talking about "red flags". I'm talking about retooling our society to encourage seeking help, encourage constructive behavior instead of frustration, apathy, and anger.

I. Don't. Understand.

Why are the ONLY websites that are making sense and not just blasting images of children in our faces the comedy websites? Why are we okay with feeling awful and fucked up about it now while at the same time we just accept that it's going to happen again? Why do we put the responsibility of contingency in every horrible situation on the would-be victims?

Right before the Holidays, too. I mean, it's not okay ANY time of the year, but these kids, these babies, they had so much ahead of them and they had hopes and dreams and Christmas lists and probably wanted to see the Hobbit and for God's sake I don't know how to stop thinking about it, and part of me doesn't want to stop thinking about it because it means I've stopped thinking about these children who were robbed of their lives.

The adults killed, people trying to keep their students safe - it's so senseless. These are the people that should be revered in our society. They shouldn't have to be human shields for when shit like this goes down. God bless those people. God bless teachers and school staff everywhere.

And this family, the shooter, killing his mother....I don't....I'm at a loss for words. And I hate him for killing himself before he could give us answers and at least tell us wtf made him do something so unspeakable. Draw us a fucking timeline.

My mouth is so dry. I just can't even....and this year has been crazy violent. So much madness. It's sick. But how do we stop these things? How do we keep things pure and FREE without locking down schools and homes and living in a world where kids can never leave their mother's side?

I just want to scream as loud as I possibly can.

Adventures in the North Georgia Mountains

My first excursion to Springer Mountain (southern terminus of the Appalachian Trail) nearly ended in disaster.

Well...that's a bit of an exaggeration. I was 85% sure everything was going to be fine, but the remaining 15% was disaster. Like, all out survival mode. 

Brudda and I got up late this morning to go hiking. We drove down to Georgia for the weekend and today was to be our last day of outdoor fun. After hiking up Springer mountain, running into some South-Bounders (all the way from Maine!) enjoying their victory along the way, and then heading down the Benton Mackeye trail to loop around back to the parking lot....well...that's when things got tricky. 

After a frustrating, never ending descent towards a road we were starting to believe didn't exist, I ended up turning my ankle just after we made the decision to hike the rest of the 1.5 miles on the other side of the road we finally found. 

Brudda was getting pretty worn out (we hadn't been out hiking in a long time) and my near boundless energy was the only thing that kept me from falling over in pain as my ankle started to swell. Brudda sent me on ahead with his car keys because the sun was beginning to set. I had hoped we would make it back to the car before then. 

I was starting to get nervous as I walked ahead (I have a naturally fast gait) - I like to have contingency plans and when I come up with one it usually takes over. Just a bit. 

"Okay I still haven't met the parking lot...well I guess I could find where the AT meets back up with the BMT and wait for Brudda there and then head back together since it'll be dark out by then....but maybe I'm LOST. And I don't know where I am and Brudda has the map. Oh, here's the AT sign...I must have to go this way...wait why am I still walking? I'm lost. I'm DEFINITELY lost. Okay. If I stay on the trail I'll be good - I can even stay here all night and at daybreak I can find my way to the road. I have my sweatshirt and some food and water. But what about Brudda? What if he comes looking for me? What if something happened to him? WHAT IF AN ARMY OF BEARS HAVE AMBUSHED HIM?"

Then I came to the road. 

"Well, I'm on a road now. Better go right, I bet the parking lot is like right there. Wait, where is it? Shit, the sun is setting. It's dark out now. I better run."

I ran about a mile down this gravel mountain road in the backwoods of the North Georgia mountains before I figured out I should have taken a left. I then walked as fast as I could back up the road UPHILL and went about .5 mile from where I met the road originally to the -  finally - parking lot.

"Well shit. It's dark out. Really dark. Brudda has his headlamp but...I know! I better take the car and drive it to where I met the road. Then I'll backtrack with the spare water (that was in the car) and find him and walk out with him."

I was getting really upset at this point. I've never hiked in the dark alone, let alone in an unfamiliar area filled with large territorial animals and lots of things to fall on or off of. Overreacting? Yeah probably. But better to be worried and serious than be found lying in a ditch the next morning, I've never said but should probably say because it's good common sense dammit. 

So there I am, about hysterical enough to drive the car off the side of the mountain (nt rly). At this point it is pitch black out, my ankle really hurts (but I could still run on it, so not horribly hurt). I was able to use my phone as a flashlight but the battery was dying.

"Brudda's probably got two broken legs and a raccoon gnawing on him as he lies helplessly in the stream (I get E.T. mixed up with reality a lot.). I must get to him!"

So I run. And I call for him. Five times. The fifth time, as I'm near tears and have already passed the AT/BMT intersection (where I notice a suspicious 4th path that one could take)...

"WHAAAT?"

Well then I calmed the fuck down. Sure enough, Brudda was nearing the last incline, using his trusty headlamp like a champ. And I felt like an idiot. I can't even convey the frantic panic I felt (but I kept my head and I guess if there was a real emergency then I probably did the right things...so there's that I guess.)

I ran to him and hugged him and spewed out an incomprehensible "IGOTLOSTANDTOOKTHEWRONGTRAILANDIGOTLOSTANDWENTTHEWRONGWAYANDIWASSCAREDBECAUSEITWASDARKANDIDIDN'TKNOWWHEREYOUWEREANDWESHOULDUSETHEBUDDYSYSTEMBECAUSEIT'SSODARKANDTHEREMIGHTBEBEARSORCOUGARSMAYBEORSERIALKILLERS"

Welp. So the rest of the story is I hike with him a ways, we discover I hiked at least an extra mile more than I need to, and I go get the car and bring it back to the parking lot. Everyone was found and we kicked that trails ass. 

Also I found a lot of milky quartz.